SAY WHAT, DUDE?
Like most everybody, La Chania Govan got bounced around
when she called the cable company for a complaint. She
made dozens of calls and was even transferred to a
person who spoke Spanish — a language she doesn't
understand. When she got finally her August bill from
Comcast she had no trouble understanding she'd made
someone mad. It was addressed to "Bitch Dog." "I
thought: you got to be freaking kidding me," said Govan
(25) of her reaction when she saw the invoice. "I was so
mad I couldn't even cuss." Two employees were fired
after company officials went through records and
identified them as being involved in the "act". -
JUST WHAT WAS IN THAT FORMULA?
How about the other high school student who fed a batch
of semen-frosted brownies to a fellow student and his
friends? It seemed that the teenager was more than a bit
ticked off when his classmate put peanut butter in his
cheese sandwich that same week. As police reports, the
prankster, who has since agreed to admit to three counts
of disturbing peace, "hated peanut butter and it made
him more mad than he could explain." - Yucky!
GAVE A LICKING AND KEPT ON TICKING
An Oregon education board reprimanded a football coach
for licking the wounds of several student athletes.
Coach Scott Reed admitted licking blood from the knee of
a student and the arm of another. It was not clear why
he did this. County Sheriff Dave Burright called the
licking "bizarre" but not criminal because it wasn't
forced. Three students said it appeared the coach was
"just joking around." - Whacked!
SO EASY. EVEN A KID CAN DO IT
An Anderson County, S.C., sheriff's deputy was
temporarily sidelined by his boss after the officer's
pistol went off during a gun safety class at a local
school. It seems the weapon discharged when a student
pulled the trigger as the deputy was showing the kids
how hard it was to take a gun from an officer's holster
and how safe it was to handle.
The bullet fired into the floor, and debris cut two
students. - Stupid!
ONE WOMAN AT A TIME
Another South Carolina deputy had a lapse of judgment as
well, but his was of the matrimonial type. Sumter
County sheriff's deputy Jay Follin was fired for being
married to two women at the same time. Follin (27) was
separated from his first wife when he married his
second, according to a department investigation. His
second wife, the investigation revealed, was already
married to another man at that very time. Everything became
public when the husband of Follin's second wife filed a
complaint with the sheriff's department. The couple was
separated at the time. - Poor!
PSST! TRADE YOU SOME GOAT FOR A ROCK
Four Connellsville, PA, men ended up behind bars after
they allegedly stole and butchered a goat so they could
trade it for crack cocaine. Two of the men stole and killed the
four-year-old pygmy goat and then took
it to another residence where two more men skinned and
butchered the poor animal. - Desperate!
40 GOATS FOR MRS. CHELSEA CLINTON. DO I HEAR 60?
Kenyan councilman Godwin Kipkemoi Chepkurgor says he
offered Bill Clinton 40 goats and 20 cows for his
daughter's hand in marriage five years ago. He's still
awaiting an answer. - Beloved!
HEY! WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT?
A man arrested after he was found
peering at a teenage girl from the business end of a New
Hampshire rest-stop privy has pleaded no contest to
criminal trespass. Gary Moody was given a 30-day
sentence that will be suspended if he maintains good
behavior for two years. The judge cited Moody's public
humiliation from the ensuing publicity in not jailing
him. - Merciful.
HOOD? WHAT HOOD? WE DON'T SEE NOTHN'
Two Cedar Rapids, IO, men got canned after they
continued driving on Interstate 380 when the hood of
their car popped open and covered their windshield.
Instead of stopping to fix the problem, the men stuck
their heads out the windows so they could see and kept
going. Two Linn County deputies took note and pulled
them over. - HILARIOUS!
A STORY ON THE DANGERS OF SMOKING
A man riding in a car on Arkansas 234 near the Oklahoma
border didn't go to jail following a long night of
partying. Instead he did go to a hospital after jumping from
the vehicle in an effort to retrieve his lit cigarette.
Jeff Foran was recovering after leaping from the car and
landing hard on the roadway in a failed bid to grab the
butt, state police said. "If anything could make him
stop smoking, this should be it," said a Trooper in
charge. - SMOKED!
MAMA MIA! ALL SHE WANTED WAS A SNACK
An 86-year-old Charlotte, NC, woman spent two nights
in the city lockup after police said she called 911
dispatchers 20 times in a little more than 40 minutes to
complain about service at a pizza parlor. Dorothy Densmore told dispatchers the shop refused to deliver a
pie to her apartment. Densmore wanted the workers
arrested. Instead, police arrested her. - STUPID
NEVER POPPED WHEN MARRIED
Authorities in Wisconsin pinched a 63-year-old man who
allegedly had a fondness for calves.
Harold G. Hart, of Neillsville, reportedly told police
he stopped at a Greenwood farm "at least 50 times" to
have sex with calves there. The man, however, told
police he never had sex with animals while maintaining a
relationship with a girlfriend or his wife. -
HONEY, I'M HOT FOR YOU
A 38-year-old Oregon man wearing a gasoline-soaked cape
set himself on fire before getting down on one knee and
popping the question to his longtime girlfriend. About 100
people gathered to watch Todd Grannis perform the
flaming stunt for Malissa Kusiek, who said "yes."
SHOOT. HE WAS JUST TRYING TO BE NICE
In Muscatine, IO, Dean Wooten got fired for
greeting Wal-Mart customers with a computer-generated
photo in which he appeared to be naked — except for a
carefully placed Wal-Mart bag. Wooten reportedly told
customers the store was cutting costs and the bag was
the company's new uniform. A Wal-Mart manager told him to stop
showing the photo after customers complained. He was
canned when he displayed the photo again. - PATHETIC!
NOT FUNNY TO THIS BUNNY
The Easter Bunny wasn't laughing this year. Bryan
Johnson, who portrayed the holiday rabbit at a mall in
Bay City, MI, says he was pummeled in an unprovoked
attack by a 12-year-old boy.
"He just started hitting," Johnson said. Johnson
suffered a bloody nose but kept his cool because he
figured it was inappropriate for the Easter Bunny to
battle back. - KNOCKED OUT!
MAN JAILED AFTER BITING HEAD OFF GECKO
A 19-year-old man was behind
bars after allegedly biting the head off a gecko as part
of a bet. Derrick Ford was at a friend's home Sunday
when someone bet him $10 that he wouldn't bite the head
off a gecko. Though Ford won the bet, it wasn't long
before police showed up and placed him under arrest, the
newspaper said. - EEEEWWWW!!!
MAN PLEADS GUILTY IN HORSE SEX CASE
A man has pleaded guilty to trespassing in connection
with a fatal horse-sex case. James Michael Tait (54), of
Enumclaw, was accused of entering a barn without the
owner's permission. Tait admitted to officers that he
entered a neighboring barn last July with friend Kenneth
Pinyan to have sex with a horse. Tait was videotaping
the episode when Pinyan suffered internal injuries that
led to his death. Tait pleaded guilty and was given a
one-year suspended sentence, a $300 fine, and ordered to
perform eight hours of community service and have no
contact with the neighbors. The prosecutor's office said
no animal cruelty charges were filed because there was
no evidence of injury to the horses. - TOTALLY
finally, to bring this year 2005 to grave, bad behaving